The back door

I am good at planning. Actually, planning stuff for work or for the kids. I have three kids, all grown up now (well almost, the youngest is 17yrs old).

But, I don’t plan life. I would love too, but life doesn’t seem to work like that. Even though I still try stubbornly to plan ahead. I can envision a bit of what I want, but it never comes how I planned it.

Everything that mattered in my life came in by the back door, unannounced. Pissing me off, sometimes. Cheering me up, sometimes. But when I look back, the way I managed everything looks like it was already planned. Somewhere, deep down, I wished for some of it, just didn’t know how to get it, or I was simply to afraid because it was a major change and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

Life just came for a visit and since it seems to be a very good friend, it comes in by the kitchen door. “Hi it’s me!” And you make it come in and you pour yourself a cup of tea and you breath profoundly and you laugh.

I didn’t laugh hard growing up. But now, life can come in anytime, the door is always open and I laugh. I laugh hard, so hard because I know that somewhere this is good and I can handle it.

It can’t be worst than raising three children all alone as a teenage mom. And you know my children have this memory of their childhood like they laughed their ass off with me. And I look back and I remember that I always laughed, whatever happened because it is my true essence. I am joy and laughter!

This picture was taken yesterday in my kitchen. The back door was not locked and the pressure of the snow made it open.  I laughed so hard shoveling snow with a plate, in my robe, feet naked. My daughter with a broom, laughing behind me. Today we learned that it was the “snowstorm of the century”. Yep and it came to visit!

With great respect and love!

A.