Standing in the “not knowing”

I always thought that I had to watch for some kind of events before I take any decisions. “If this happens, then I will do this or that.” It worked. Really? Oh! I accomplished a few great things, but I knew inside that I could have gone further. Some ideas I had, where very creative, but because I waited for the right circumstances, I had to reevaluate most of them because I wasn’t willing to take any risks.

And it’s okay. I cannot say about myself that I am risk-taker, whatever others might thing. I don’t play outside my box very often.

Since the beginning of the new year I am standing in a place of not knowing. Not knowing how to make happen what I really want. I continuously doubt myself, for a few minutes before I catch myself. Dwelling in doubts is not a place where I like to stand.

I thought I always wanted to make a difference with teenagers and I have done that on a large-scale and still do that. And during the holidays, I distinguished that I wanted to make a difference with them, to “SAVE” them from all “evil things” adults do to them. Not a very powerful context to create powerful outcomes. I made peace with my own teenage years and that opened up a new space to look into.

And it’s a space of actions. What’s in front of me? What do I want? And just be in action. It’s thrilling! It’s scary! It’s amazing! Things are starting to happen beyond what I imagined them to be.

Magic all around! I always wanted to be a fairy (and I’m sure I’m one!!) and standing in the “not knowing” has given me all the space to welcome what I always known that I truly wanted.

With great respect and love!

A.