Piercing through the broken heart

I have been doing yoga for 22 years now. I mostly concentrated on mantra recitation, meditation and chanting. In my twenties I used to do about an hour each day of postures and at least a half hour of meditation.  I know the benefits of a balance life.

All my life I always did some kind of sport and never stopped. An injury to an ankle 10 years ago put a stop to intense sport. I rode my bike and that was pretty much it. I tried Karate and loved it. A few years ago I had a few episodes of asthma that lead to bronchitis. At that time I was training to run a 10k at a marathon. I stopped everything and since then I have become careless and lazy.

I am not proud to say that I haven’t taken care of myself in the past few years…. gaining weight, eating at impossible hours all kinds of junk and then rushing to do a raw eating cleanse when I felt bad.

Two days ago I went back to yoga. HOT yoga. For my heart. Not because I have some kind of heart problems. No, I went there to take care of my broken heart. I needed to push a physical limit to be able to pierce through the thick walls surrounding my heart. Oh, I have cried when my dad passed away and I still do in the most awkward moments. But since I still have to go to work and interact with people, I’ve put on the sweet face and pushed forward, even though I knew I needed more time.

As I suspected, on my first class of Hot yoga, at one point, I just surrendered. It felt like my heart started to beat again. I cried the last half hour. Not because of pain, but because my heart opened.

Body, mind, spirit…. they know whats best, to keep them aligned. I have been avoiding so many things in my life under the pretense of living “in the present”. Doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of grace once in a while, but If I really say the truth, I have just been hanging there, waiting for it to end. Deep down I don’t care.

I don’t know if I will stick to it. I don’t know if in two days I will go back to avoiding. I don’t know. Right now I am taking care of getting balance : calming my foggy mind, cure my aching body,  find my wandering soul and restore my broken heart.

With great respect and love!

A.