What is in front is not behind

I often say that I can choose every minute of my life. Choose the experience, the people I’m with, what I listen to, what I do and so on. And sometimes I forget that I can do that. Also, I forget that it’s not because something happen in such and such way before, it will always be the same. Because I can choose how it’s going to go.

Fear seems to always be present. If I’m not vigilant, I let it creep in every corner of my mind.

When the year started I declared : Doubt no more

I had just quit my job to spend (all of) my time writing and give my passions and dreams a place to blossom and be fulfilled. I chose to create an environment that will sustain the pursuit of these goals.

Of course, first thing that happened, I fled to the other side of the country, thinking that I could stop the endless chatter in my head. Doubts, all over the place. Actually, I fled all the people around me completely excited and supportive of this bold move. I had to manage my own capacity to trust myself before I could be fully open to receive all the love and encouragements. I had to do this alone.

“Those who control their passions do so,
because their passions are weak enough to be controlled”
William Blake

This quote pass through my news feed a few days ago. My first reaction was to say: “That’s it!” And then I took a few days to ponder. All I did in the past few years, was “trying” to control my overwhelming passion of writing. I haven’t succeeded much. You know to the point of quitting my job because I became obsessed with not having enough time to write all the ideas that kept popping up all day (and night). The only moment I didn’t try to control it was during the last NaNoWriMo where I wrote for hours without thinking, with no doubts, just trusting that the well of creativity was endless. It worked.

If I look behind me, I have all the reasons to fear and doubt myself. I am looking in front and there is a white canvas I can fill with dreams and books and achievements.

This is where it starts. NOW.

With great respect and love!

A.

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