Yesterday, I had this feeling that so much time as already passed since I was in this cemetery, crying my soul out, as they put my father in is grave, and since I was in this church crying for my mother.
Time… So much time, so much tears, so much joy, so much love expressed and so much fear. The fear that I might lose someone else was so present, lurking behind me anytime of day and night. Every time the phone rang I was afraid of bad news. Every time the kids left the house I was afraid. It was right there, ready! Making sure that this time I would not crash on the floor. That I would stay strong, because fear was the only thing that would help me control what ever was to happen.
Such a prison… ouf!
Yesterday, I noticed that fear was not present anymore. The phone rang and it was an unknown caller. I answered, not dreading the worst. And it was a happy thing! It was for an interview. I will officiate a wedding in october. I talked about it here: Life goes on.
Somewhere in my mind I am still tired from all the emotions, but I can feel a new wind pushing me in the back. Last June, I was in the desert in Mexico. A place considered sacred by the aboriginal. A land where sacred ceremonies are held, and as I was walking alone, I felt the wind pushing me forward.
In my life, I can walk forward. This is a choice I have.
After everything, I can look back and say that I have never gone backward. This is life. This is it. What ever happens you keep going forward. Even if the cactus thorns are ripping you apart, keep going forward. Sometimes, I walked very slowly and at other times I walked fast.
Today I walk. Walking keeps me on the court. Walking keeps me alive.
With great respect!