Exploring silence

Silence.

I have been contemplating silence in my life for a few weeks now. I even created a collage about it to see where I stand in regards to it. What came up: It seems like I need silence

 

A few times this year, I had this urge to go and walk somewhere. Just walk in silence and clear my mind. Surrender. Stop trying to control how I feel, how I behave, what I say.

This inquiry in silence as made me shift my view of where the noise comes from. Usually, I would point out something in my environment that is just to noisy. Something or someone. Blaming that for my lack of peace. This time, I pointed at something inside. This noisy mind that can’t stop wandering everywhere: “Do you think I should do this?” “Look!” “WTF are you nuts?” “I can’t do it.” “I’m alone.” “I will fail.” Always distracted by lights, colors and sounds. When there is none, it turns to me with all kinds of opinions.

You know, just shut up! Thank you for sharing…

I need silence from my own self; from the opinions that I have about myself.

Now that my children are all grown up, I get to experience some moments alone. I remember when they were younger and I would yearn for a quiet moment. Their cries and laughter just covered my own inner noise.

Now that I get to hear it, I just want to laugh forever. Imagining, that I could make it in life, telling myself all these nasty things. Now I can change that and create a more powerful mindset.

In some traditions, it is said that to master the practice of meditation, you need to meditate in a crowded place, detaching yourself from the ambient noise.

The real challenge is to detach ourselves from the noise arising from within.

Silence is an inner experience, whether you are alone or in the crowd.

With great respect and love!
A.