When you tell people you have cancer, there is of course the natural reaction of empathy, sadness, anger, and worries. A little mix of emotions that are not always clear.
I have waited weeks this time before I told people. Because when you say you have cancer, people want to fix you.
Subconciously, they think that you might have some bad habits that created cancer.
We are bombarded with image of what a “clean” lifestyle can be. To AVOID disease. I didn’t register how to feel healthy.
I have been a vegetarian for the most part of 30 years. I have jogged, done yoga, meditated, went to the gym, etc.
Still…
So, when you say you have cancer, people want to give you their recipe.
I don’t think most of you would survive on my “clean” diet of GREEN GOO. Or Green sludge.
Green smoothie in the morning. Green soup at night. Lots of water. A few celery sticks.
The first few weeks with Pablo and Lolaz(1), I could barely eat. I was nauseous all the time. Felt like I had water all the way up to my throat.
Chewing food was the most exhausting thing I could do in a day. Everything through the blender.
Easy like that.
I eat enough greens in a day to feed a few rabbits.
Now, if I had a “healthy lifestyle” what do I change to get rid of cancer?
For me, it’s more of a mindset, emotional and spiritual transformation that it calls for.
I have been meditating for now 30 years. Doing some intense spiritual practices to heal childhood trauma.
Traumas that I carried as an adult. Living on a perpetual state of vigilance.
That is a lot of cortisol released in the body daily…
I could have had Green goo, sludge and juice all day, everyday, for 40 years, I believe I would still have cancer.
My body simply couldn’t keep up with the stress.
I eat, exercised, meditated to AVOID getting sick. I focused my lifestyle on the fear that it could happen and I needed to do everything I could to avoid it.
I focused on sickness… instead of health.
Now, I focus on what feels good.
Green goo feels good. I can feel my body relaxing not having to digest complicated food. It tastes dam good! And I get all the nutrients I need.
Meditating feels good because I can simply BE WITH however I feel in the moment and not make a big deal about it.
I am still anxious as fuck. An appointment with the doctor puts me in an state of hypervigilance. And then I crash. It takes at least 24h to recover from it.
Healing from cancer is not just medications, treatments, and healthy food.
In my case, it’s a complete overide of a bankrupted mindset. I am learning to relinquish control over circumstances. No need to be in a perpetual fight mode. I never fled, I braced myself for impact, until my body couldn’t take it anymore….
Now, my whole day is about feeling, doing, being VIBRANT. Even if I feel like shit when I wake up. Even if I have no idea how I will make it throught the day.
Basically, I feel hangover 24/7. Except for about an hour. A sweet happy hour.
So drink up the green juice and be vibrant!
With great respect and love!
A.
(1) Pablo and Lolaz are the sweet nicknames of the cancer treatment drugs I take for Metastatic Breast Cancer.
Happy Hour with Pablo and Lolaz 